& the Carousel

Sunday, February 04, 2007

040207

spent the night playing 'worms' on my phone
to clear out all my thoughts.
didn't want to think about anything

&i fell alseep heavy heartedly.
woke up today with a jolt
and realised what had happened the previous day.

checked my phone,
returned smses

had tuition until 1130,
ate lunch.
went on the comp and just browsed arnd,

sms came.
looked at it.
closed my phone.

cried.

i may be ignorant
i may be selfish
i may be annoying
i may be too demanding
i may be unreasonable
&i'm wilful. that, i know.

i'm sorry.
it's just the way i am.
&don't tell me to change overnight
cos i can't.

i know i'm wrong
but everyone makes mistakes.
maybe the mistakes i made are just
far more than anyone else.

i'm sorry.
perhaps this 2 words won't make any difference
perhaps an apology isn't what you want.
i don't know.

but thats all i can give you now.
just an apology

cos i just need time alone.
i know i didn't spare a thought for how you felt.
i'm selfish, i know it myself.
&perhaps you've been tolerating me
for a long time alr,
for the past few months.

yet i didn't change.
change for the sake of changing
and for the sake of you.
to become a better person,
&to play my part in this relationship

i didn't.
and i'm regretting.

perhaps i can change.
but perhaps i can't.
maybe i'll still remain the same
and cause you pain, cause you hurt.

i don't know what to say now.
don't know what to do.

hurting you wasn't my intention.
maybe if i wasn't like this
things would have been better.

but things aren't better now.
and the fact remains.
i'm sorry.

sorry for all the pain i've caused you.
&i'm sorry for making you worry,
for letting you wait for my reply.

kangqi last remembered on 12:24 PM