& the Carousel

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

problems . they never seem to end , do they ?
i've had enough . friendship problems, family matters, studies . blahblah .
doesn't anyone know what i'm going through ? broke down once again after school . didn't know why . i'm too filled up with troubles that i just can't seem to control my emotions . call me stupid, call me childish . i don't care . i'm just too sensitive to the people around me, perhaps .

friends . are they what they seem ? they say they care . yes . but no, they don't . the only ones who really cared are the few ones i'm really close with now . we're all drifting apart . yes . it's true . but why can't you guys just try to understand me better ? you just don't bother. you treat me like a toy . throw me aside when you have company and drag me along with you when you're upset . i'm a human too kay . i have feelings . it's just all an act . you pretend to care. but you don't . you don't even bother . you just want to find out what happened . thats all .

my parents . do they even bother ? i've never opened up to them since i was little until now . they don't care how i really feel . all they care about are my grades . thats all . and you guys won't even let me get to the school i want. and you tell me to pursue my dreams . how can i do that, when you stop me right smack at the beginning ?
you guys are always like that . you've never asked me how i feel or what i really want in life and stuff . you think you understand me . but you don't . you never did . i'm no longer the silly little girl that you once had . 14 is old enough to think for myself okae . i don't need you to tell me what to do anymore . i know what's right and what's wrong . at home , you guys make me feel so unwanted . so alone . and you make me keep everything to myself . i just can't bring myself to talk to you guys . cause you've never made me trust you enough to tell you how i feel . but you don't even care, so why should i share with you my feelings ?

when i reach home from school, you would ask me ' why so late ' ? you don't trust me, do you ? you've never asked me how was my day . perhaps you did . but only like once in a month ? and bro, stop picking on me . i'm very tired le laa kae . always say i never study , always talk on the phone . hellos ! nowadaes i don't le right ?! and when i just use the phone for less than 5 minutes , you say that i always use the phone . wths lahs . =x and it's more than that . i've already come to my senses . i've already begun to study . but you don't see the effot i'm putting in, do you . just because i get lousy results doesn't mean i don't study okae !? i DO ! maybe i'm just dumb ALRIGHT ?! i get bloody rotten results . and i try to TRY my best . and you still critisize me . why must you make me feel so small ?! perhaps i might seem that i always laze around doing nothing . but i do STUDY OKAE !? you just don't see it. do i have to STUDY infront of you everyday ?! can't i get abit of freedom !? i don't always go out le okae. i'm staying at home all the time right ?! i'm really tired of the life i'm living now .

stop trying to understand me .
you guys just DON'T .
do you all even care ?
sometimes, i just want to end this miserable life of mine .

you'llneverunderstandthepaini'mgoingthrough.
i'm all alone .

kangqi last remembered on 3:15 PM